Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
