Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
