so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize