sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
