do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
