Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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