It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
