Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize