we're chasing vodka with high fives
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
