Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
