i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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