just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
