There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
