FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
