sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think my tv is drunk
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
