I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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