i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
