It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
