New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
