i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
