Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
