You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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