So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
