hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
