Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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