I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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