Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
