So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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