Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
