the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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