yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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