I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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