I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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