do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
