peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
