i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this just has baby written all over it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
