a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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