Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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