she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
