Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
