Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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