i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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