dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
