Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
