she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
