So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
