Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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