sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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