if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want her autograph on my taint
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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