No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
