Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
