i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
