A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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