shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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