i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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