Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
