i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you would pick up someone in the library
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
