my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize