is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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