Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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