Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize