Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
