I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
