Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
