I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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