I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
