i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Vodka?
Forever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
