Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
