New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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