alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
