She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
