your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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