Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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