They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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