I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
