They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
