No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
