Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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