Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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