Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
