you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The best revenge is premature balding
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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