why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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