There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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