he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
