My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
