Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
