im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
