I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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