Please, let me fuck your mom
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
