Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just puked most of my soul out..
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