She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
