i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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