people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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