I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ttyl tear gas
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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