awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
