soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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