I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
