After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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