I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Found the puke drawer
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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