I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
