This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Randomize
