So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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