Don't you send me to vm
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
