I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
