I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
