I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
