Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
