I want to walk on stilts...naked
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
