I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
