WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize