I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
