we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
