Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sext me about skeletons
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
