it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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