Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
