i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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