Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
