M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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