Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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